The Creative Spark

Hah, this started out as a google+ post, but it exploded into it's own little blog entry. It all started with a video. Go ahead and watch this, I'll wait. It's about twenty minutes long and, essentially, makes the case for offloading creative pressure from an individual to an external source in order to preserve the individual's emotional and mental health.  


http://jetreidliterary.blogspot.com/2012/07/if-you-are-writer-watch-this.html


Back? Awesome. 


This is verrrryyy interesting. The human brain is fascinating and abstraction has been established as a very powerful coping strategy. Blah, blah, Jung, psychotherapy, ghosts vs. schizophrenia, narrative framing, creative reflection and the absence of resonant stories, etc. I'll explain any of those for anyone who asks, but it's only passing relevant to this discussion. What is relevant is that emotions are baffling to start with and creative emotions can get really wonky really swiftly with zero warning. At least for me. More than once I've been asked how my work was going and treated the poor asker with a TMI rant about how I'm horrible forever and will never finish anything and who cares about my work because it's completely devoid of evocative elements and even if I do finish something it will suck because I will never know enough to make it right. So. Yeah. I get the whole 'So Much Pressure' thing. Oh, boy, do I get it. 

I just think this video is fascinating because how she offers this idea that we should throw back to having external creative inspirations as not at all prevalent in professional writing circles. Which is probably true. However, I see this abstraction concept in action on the internet, albeit with a modern spin or twenty. I make no claims that anyone really does have a little daemon sitting on their shoulder and whispering truths, but I do I think she's right about concept of offloading the creative burden onto abstraction as a healthy defense mechanism.  

People talk today online about how their muses are grumpy or require coddling, or their plotbunny is running away and they have to chase it down the rabbit hole. I have my 'Girls in the Back Room'. They embody my subconscious by wearing A-line dresses, cherry red lipstick, and pearls. They operate switchboards wearing those old WWII headsets with the bulky microphones, and they shuffle back and forth between the reference library and the coffee machine before wrangling among themselves around the central conference table about some obscure point or other. I can ask them to come up with something and they'll confer, drinking coffee and telling dirty jokes for a while before they reach a consensus and I find something serendipitous and beautiful coming out of my fingers when I write. 


None of this, of course, takes away from the work anyone does to create. I know mine abstraction doesn't. The Ladies are back there conspiring for me, but I have to sit my ass in my chair and type for anything to come of it. My Ladies aren't real, but they don't have to be for me to feel affection for them. They're useful. They're tools in my toolbox. They're doing their job when my conscious mind is elsewhere. I'm constantly amazed at what pops out of my subconscious when I set it a task and then leave it the fuck alone to do its job. 


I'd love to hear others' thoughts, but at least on the internet I believe that culturally, instinctively, a lot of writers who write for raw pleasure (fanfiction especially) employ this abstraction. It's fun. It's healthy. Anything to get away from the idea of a 'tortured soul' sort of writing. That concept of the tragic writer should not be a goal. It might be a reality, but why warp a perfectly serviceable life in pursuit of this sort of 'burden of glorious purpose'. Writing's my lifeblood if I'm feeling melodramatic, a buoyant chase of an ephemeral Something that needs to be conveyed. I have to write, it's not really an option for me, and being psychologically damaged doing something I have to do just doesn't sound like any fun at all. 

Halfway Out of the Dark

This post is brought to you by my brain. I just recently watched 'Christmas Carol', the 2010 Doctor Who Christmas special.

My brain immediately started composing lyrics to a song called 'Halfway out of the Dark.' However, it liberally stole from three other songs rather than making up its own tune. In my head, it starts slow with operatic lyrics from a single female voice - like a candle on a snowy night, Beauty and the Beast metal, or Abigail from the episode - and gradually ramps up into a rock anthem of the likes of 'Raise your Glass' or something by Queen that finishes triumphant to full orchestration. Lots of brass and electric guitar with the end a weird hybrid of jazz and rock.

I am actually rather sad that I have no composition skills and no idea what I'd want the lyrics to be.

For your enjoyment, here is the inspiration for a song called 'Halfway out of the Dark':

'No One Is Alone' from Into the Woods:


'Santorini' by Yanni (Especially the part 1:40 and on. The triumphant swell section):


'Almost There' from Princess and the Frog.

My friend wrote a book!

So, my friend Cheyenne has been working on this book for several years and I've been one of her readers/editors. I must say, it is awesome.

Kama, sky pirate and Rakshasha, is thrown overboard by her own comrades, the privateers of airship The Devil's Mercy. Swimming for her life, she finds herself in the land of her birth, Dharmaghat, which she left behind as a young girl, seeking adventure and freedom.
It is the last place on earth she wishes to be.
Determined to return to the skies and exact revenge, she is caught instead in the intrigues waged in secret against her homeland, where foreign powers plot to colonize it's rich lands and make all her people slaves. Beaten but unbroken, Kama swears to bring about no less than total revolution, force her countrymen to raise their heads in defiance, even if just to have power enough to gain a ship of her own and chase her betrayers down.
In a world on the cusp of industrial revolution, while great empires struggle to divide all the world up between them, where magic is another branch of the natural sciences and steam powers the air fleets of both nations and pirates, adventure beckons the intrepid along a path of riches, romance, and bloody revenge.

So - I suggest reading it. It has shapeshifters (which I love) and holy enforcers and battles and runaway elephants and chai and is set in an alternative universe reminiscent of Victorian-era India. It's lovely. It has a dapper man, a huge tiger who I just want to give a great big hug, and a heroine who is fierce and makes an incredible journey.

The Devil's Mercy by Cheyenne Cartwright is up on Amazon right now, just for you: http://www.amazon.com/The-Devils-Mercy-Homeland-ebook/dp/B0068BWPVW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1321452661&sr=8-1

Nanowrimo Approacheth, 2011 Edition.

Last year I even used the very same blog title: Nanowrimo Approacheth. I think I'm predictable.

My nano book from last year has been in constant development for the last 12 months. It's now about about 60k-ish words (I took a few months to contemplate midyear) and has changed dramatically. The fairytale aspect was dumped, the lovecraftian aspects pumped, Red's name changed to Zai, and I figured out my primary theme ('The third path and the trials involved in finding said path'). I managed to keep my roomie's interest through two pages of what I considered kind of boring transitional stuff, so that's a good sign that the whole thing isn't terrible. I am splicing in scenes with backstory (foil-flashbacks, though it remains to be seen if they'll work as intended.), and there are a couple of scenes that feel really good even where the rest feels a bit doughy. Overall, not terrible.

As of now, I won't have to rewrite anything to the extent that Princess needs it, though as I am adding scenes, I am rapidly approaching a weird section. I haven't decided if I want to rip the weird bit outs and put in a couple of flashbacks or to leave it as-is. It's not really a bad section, it's just not the correct section for the book.

Apologies that it's not at the 'send out to people' stage. :) I'm still working on it, though, albeit slowly, so there's that.

AS FOR NANO (ahem). I am using Nanowrimo this year to explore conflict and complex antagonists. My story was prompted by ideas from three of the vignettes I have lurking within my sketchdump of googledocs: Imaginary wings, shapeshifting dragons hiding among humans, and time loops.

The intended goal for the piece itself is to infuse the dark urban fantasy setting with low-grade horror, throw in healthy dose of mind-bending time travel, and have the reader seriously questioning whether or not the good guys SHOULD win by the end of the book. My goal for me-as-a-writer is to attempt higher-stakes external conflict and practice designing a bad guy who I can love to hate.

My three characters (who I am going to try and tight-focus on), are Natasha, Mercury, and Roland. Roland is, of course, the antagonist, because all the most badass characters are named Roland. *grins*

Narrative Kinks!

Prompted by Sixwing and originating from Seanan-McGuire, I thought this was a really interesting meme-sort-of-thing where everyone is identifying what bits and baubles, story elements and narratives that each reader finds most fascinating.

My Narrative Kinks:

*Reunions - I've read books again just because they have a particularly satisfying reunion between two characters ripped apart at the beginning of the narrative. The whole running across a field of flowers and throwing themselves into each other arms is ever so very satisfying.

*Brothers and Besties - The easy comfort of people who platonically love each other is like catnip for me. It doesn't necessarily make for very interesting stories, but having someone There to Back You Up always makes characters so much more 3d for me. It's just, warm and fuzzy and oh so appreciated.

*Shapeshifters - Reading about act of shifting between one form and another gives me a very visceral sense of enjoyment. Bodies working, limbs moving, and just pure physicality in description.

*In-character decisions - I love it when I know a character well enough to say 'oh, yeah, they could never make a different decision'. Especially when the decision is made without hesitation.

*World consistency - I kink hard on worldbuilding. The more complex, rich and hopefully-coherent a world, the more I love it and the more I crave more.

* Non-gender-conforming characters - My favorite example of this is the Fool from Robin Hobb's books. But I also love characters like Alanna the Lioness, defying gender norms to achieve Knighthood. I like genderless and gender-stereotype-breaking characters. The more it doesn't matter 'what' they are or the more challenge is part of it, the better I like them.

* More-than-two people relationships that appear functional - I have a soft spot for triads and I hate love triangles. Usually the primary romantic conflict is 'you have to pick one!' the only reason for picking one is something stupid like 'because you can't have both'. Why the hell not? Give me one good reason besides convention! I understand if the 'why not' reason is, "Because they live in different dimensions and you are going to be trapped in one of them, but you have to choose so they can close the damn portal before reality breaks down." That's a legitimate reason why you can only pick one. I know that most people don't even think about it, but if a character has to pick one, it needs to be for a REALLY good reason.

* Hard journeys described in detail - I love adventure novels about the grit of the road, or journeys through the center of the earth, of pitching camp and watching the stars, of climbing mountains and hunting for food. I have no idea why, but I think they're awesome.

Writers, Business and Self-Help, etc.

Just read The Business Rusch: Unexpected Gold in Self Help Books and I thought the list of items aimed at women (since Kristine Kathryn Rusch is reading women-and-money self helps books) that she replaced the word 'women' with 'writer' was especially apt. Writers are expected to submit to all sorts of bullshit to get published, and that ends up being interpreted as very deep passivity with respect to the business aspect of publishing.

The list:

•Writers undervalue themselves
•Nice writers don’t get rich (this works better in its original form: Nice girls don’t get rich.  The whole nice girls concept became a book for one smart writer).
•Writers are uninformed about money
•Writers want to be hands-off with money
•Writers are afraid of what other people will think of them
•Writers strive for survival, not wealth
•Writers don’t have financial goals
•Writers don’t know their worth
•Writers don’t play to win
•Writers listen to naysayers
•Writers manage egos not wealth
•Writers trust the wrong people
•Writers give away their time
•Writers fail to negotiate
•Writers don’t get rich because they don’t envision themselves rich
•Writers suffer from learned helplessness
•Writers lack a sense of entitlement
•Writers fear calling attention to themselves
•Writers rarely speak up for themselves
•Writers rarely defend themselves
•Writers expect to be ignored
•Writers give up too easily
•Writers expect to be screwed as a cost of doing business
•Writers refuse to learn when and where they have power
•Writers let emotions get the better of them
•Prince Charming will never ride to the rescue. (In a woman’s world, apparently, Prince Charming is a husband; in a writer’s world, Prince Charming is an agent.)
•Inheriting wealth is not an investment strategy (or in writing world, counting on a bestseller is not an investment strategy).
•Learn to say no.
•Risk is not a synonym for loss
•There are no secrets
•Learning takes time and dedication

Now, there are some where I question how applicable they are. As an exercise, however, I feel re-framing a lot of the 'don't just let them walk all over you' advice from the over-generalizing and oft-sexist self-help books to apply to business-passive writers is very useful. It makes an interesting starting point for a writer exploring their attitudes towards publishing. I am somewhat of a Rusch fangirl, so I'll be watching this series as it develops. If I remember I have a blog, there might even be more posts about it!

(Also, have some hyphens. I appear to be hyphen-crazy tonight.)

Fictional Cities

Begun 1/23/09 - I have no idea why I didn't post this then.

I was listening to someone several months [re:years] ago (Wish I could remember who. Drat!) talking about how the downtown center of St. Louis has been used to film post-apocalyptic features because the city center was developed as an industrial zone. Now that the industrial era has passed the area has run down, leaving buildings and empty streets for film-crews to occupy. The city center is no longer a living section of the city, though it is undoubtedly still occupied. It exists as a geographical relic to a time when the world valued different things. It is, like Detroit and other shrinking cities, a testament to how life can improve in ways that leave what society used to consider important behind.

When I read fantasy novels every book has a castle-in-the-middle system of building a capital. Every. single. city. is built like that. The nobility is on the top of the hill, the poor people are on the outskirts in the slums. There's a regimented sectioning of specific quarters with no bleed-over and every square inch is filled with either homes or artisans. Every once and a while I will read a book where the author takes into account other circumstances and occupations, like industry and river-side living and how agrarian society supports various settlements. All very academic and clean, despite descriptions to the contrary. The city is tiered, perhaps, or simply laid out or compact in some way. None of this is really bad, after all there are many real-life examples of cities that characterize various schools of thought (or lack of thought) utilized as a city grows.

What I really notice, though, is that it's all... present. The past seems to be irrelevant. The history of the city is just that, history. It has no impact on how the city is currently built. There's no, "So this was the old quarter... it's basically ruins." Or "The city grew too fast in this section and shrank again, leaving half-empty tenements." There's no slow trickle in or out that continues. It's either a massive movement in or out and the consequences thereof depending on whether there's a war or aliens or other substantial, direct influence on the population.

Most fantasy I've read is: "This is a living city." or "This is a dead city." Very few have dying cities. Very few have cities that thrive with dead flesh sitting in the very core.

Off the top of my head, I can't think of any cities that take into account the gradual movement of population depending on long-term societal forces. I'm not ridiculously widely read, though, and this is just my observation of what I have read. I would love to hear of any fantasy or science fiction that does take the movement of people from point A to point B into account when it isn't the result of an immediate disaster. (Oh wait... Ankh-Morpork. A slowly growing city with a history full of basements and a present full of social pressures upon population total. Well, that's one. Go Pratchett!)

I'm just thinking of things like gold rushes, factories shutting down or opening up, the Dustbowl, the urbanization of US culture, industrial revolution, colonization and subsequent cultural upheaval and hegemony, the slave trade, etc. Those are all 'influx' mechanisms that I cannot summon up fantasy population-movement examples for. I can recall whole settings, like Clockwork Heart for the industrialization of cities or Unicorn Highway for a treatment of the Great Depression, but the only whole cities I recall with living/dying aspects closer to realistic are cities based on real world places... and only then because the aspect stolen is romantic.

City construction for most fantasy I've read is just too simplistic.

Anyone have any reading suggestions for cities that are living and dying in interesting fashions?

Seventeen Magazine

I had a subscription to Seventeen Magazine when I was in middle school and I read it cover-to-cover every month. (I still love Hanson. Unashamedly.) But I've always been a 'why' person. So I'd go through the quizzes and figure out WHY answer C gave three points, where answering all three points would give you a Saucy or Cool rating. Then I'd feel superior that I could point out the 'correct' answer to their personality quizzes.

Why was there a correct answer for a personality quiz?

#reverb10 - December 10th

#reverb10 Prompt - Wisdom

Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

Wisest decision? I don't make a lot of big decisions over the course of any particular year that would impact me in a large way. In small ways, though, I think that choosing to meet people in person that I only knew from online is probably my wisest decision (or series of decisions) of the year.

I've met three people (at least!) in person this year who are fantastic. This wouldn't have happened if I'd not taken steps to contact and engage with them. It's always a risk to add people to my collection. I collect people, primarily strange or eccentric, but I normally don't go out of my way to do so. This time I did, and it was worth it.

Note to self for next year: Remember to take the emotional risk and engage with others, especially new and interesting strangers.

Woo!

I forgot to update: I hit 50k for Nanowrimo on November 30th.

I've still got a little under half of the book to write. I'll keep ya'll posted. :)

Need a better nickname for my main character because she... never fully set into the one I had for her originally and it bothers me every time someone uses it for her. So. It has to change.

Any suggestions on good nicknames that someone might get while part of a pseudo-military organization? :)

And now for something completely different.

Still writing! As of 1pm, I was at 37354 words, with a goal tonight 40k.

However, I plucked this meme from Antick Musings, just for fun since I'm the only one at work today and singing really loud while I putter through testing.

TO THE MEME, THEN!

All the animated movies in the world, sort of

- X what you saw
- O what you haven't finished/seen or saw sizable portions
- Bold what you loved
- Italicize what you disliked/hated
- Leave unchanged if neutral

CLASSIC DISNEY
-------------------------------
[X] 101 Dalmatians (1961)
[X] Alice in Wonderland (1951)
[X] Bambi (1942)
[X] Cinderella (1950)
[X] Dumbo (1941): I watched this over and over and over when I was a sprogling. I still remember snippets of dialog.
[X] Fantasia (1940)
[X] Lady and the Tramp (1955)
[X] Mary Poppins (1964): My adoration for Julie Andrews knows no bounds.
[X] Peter Pan (1953)
[X] Pinocchio (1940)
[X] Sleeping Beauty (1959)
[] Song of the South (1946): Never seen. o_O

DISNEY'S DARK AGE
-------------------------------
[X] The Aristocats (1970) : Because a cat's the only cat who knows where it's at.
[X] The Black Cauldron (1985): I only remember parts of this, though, but I'm pretty sure I got my hands on it since I devoured the books and went on an investigation into the sordid history of the film.
[X] The Fox and the Hound (1981): I don't remember WHY I don't like it, but I don't.
[X] The Great Mouse Detective (1986): This was one of me and my sister's favorites.
[X] The Jungle Book (1967)
[X] The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977)
[X] Oliver and Company (1986): I used to have a Christmas ornament that played one of the songs when you squeezed it.
[X] Pete's Dragon (1977): I've seen this, but I don't remember liking it very much at the time.
[X] The Rescuers (1977)
[X] Robin Hood (1973) : This one still pleases me to watch.
[X] The Sword In The Stone (1963): This is another one where I have whole long sections of dialog stored somewhere in my head that will pop out occasionally, complete with sound effects. I have no idea where they come from.

THE DISNEY RENAISSANCE
-------------------------------
[X] Aladdin (1992)
[X] Beauty and the Beast (1991): I honestly think the Beast is not very handsome in his human form. I have no idea what the animators were thinking.
[X] A Goofy Movie (1995): This one's just charming. A lot of good character interaction forming the basis of the emotional plot. The actual events of the movie were just, erm, vehicle.
[X] Hercules (1997)
[X] The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
[X] The Lion King (1994)
[X] The Little Mermaid (1989)
[X] Mulan (1998)
[X] Pocahontas (1995)
[X] The Rescuers Down Under (1990)
[X] Tarzan (1999)

Note: These were all when was the correct demographic for all of the 80s-90s movies, so that's pretty much why I've seen everything.


DISNEY'S MODERN AGE
-------------------------------
[] Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001): I'm not actually sure I haven't seen this one. Hrm.
[X] Bolt (2008)
[] Brother Bear (2003)
[] Chicken Little (2005)
[] Dinosaur (2000)
[X] The Emperor's New Groove (2000): The emperor's lost his grooooooooove.
[X] Fantasia 2000 (2000): Stunning, but not as memorable as the original Fantasia.
[] Home on the Range (2004)
[X] Lilo & Stitch (2002)
[X] Meet the Robinsons (2007): Big head! Tiny arms!
[ ] Treasure Planet (2002): I really want to see this.

Note: I missed a lot of these, probably because I was end-of-high-school-beginning-of-college.


PIXAR
-------------------------------
[X] A Bug's Life (1998):
[X] Cars (2006):
[X] Finding Nemo (2003):
[X] The Incredibles (2004)
[X] Monsters Inc. (2001): The fur looks SO SOFT and I love it. This movie cemented my adoration of 3d animation by Pixar.
[X] Ratatouille (2007)
[X] Toy Story (1995)
[X] Toy Story 2 (1999)
[X] Toy Story 3 (2010)
[X] Wall-E (2008)
[X] Up (2009)


DON BLUTH
-------------------------------
[X] All Dogs Go to Heaven (1989): Another movie full of soundbites I can recall at will. I named my car after the main character, Charlie. I've watched it... a lot.
[X] An American Tail (1986): So sad and sweet and lovely. It's definitely better to watch when you know what's going on within the historical setting, though, because then there is a whole 'nother layer to everything.
[X] An American Tail: Fieval Goes West (1991): Inferior to the original, I still find parts of this movie to be little moments of brilliance. Overall, though, it went straight to 'goofy', leaving out most of the graceful, timeless elements of the first one.
[X] Anastasia (1997): All of the female lead music is in my vocal range, so I've got most of it memorized.
[X] The Land Before Time (1988): I watched this ten zillion times. At the end it says, "They grew up and lived happily ever after." I'm not sure why they made equals when WE KNOW they grew up and lived happily ever after. Oh wait, I do know why. Money. >_>; None of the sequels count.
[X] The Pebble and the Penguin (1995): Don't remember much, but I know I watched it.
[X] Rock-a-Doodle (1991): It's ELVIS and rock and roll and so silly. Don't judge me. *grins*
[X] The Secret of NIMH (1982): This movie is amazing and hands-down one of the best animated movies ever.
[X] Thumbelina (1994): "Romeo and Juliet were very much in love when they were wed. Were are they now? They're DEAD!"
[X] Titan AE (2000): The dialog hurts. The plot is stereotypical. But this movie is so utterly gorgeous. The main character for this one is the same model as the male romantic lead from Anastasia, or close to it.
[X] A Troll in Central Park (1994): I watched, but I barely remember it.

Note: I. Love. Don. Bluth. The animation style of all of his movies is so distinctive that it's an intrinsic part of my childhood and has influenced both my art and animation (if I animated) styles.


CLAYMATION
-------------------------------
[ ] The Adventures of Mark Twain (1986)
[X] Chicken Run (2000): First movie I saw out of this studio. Amazing.
[X] Corpse Bride (2005): It was okay, but nothing special.
[X] James and the Giant Peach (1996): I adored the book, so I had to watch the movie. He didn't screw it up. :)
[X] The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993): Why is it 'hail to the pumpkin song'? That makes no sense. It SHOULD be 'hail to the pumpkin throne' because that rhymes (same 'o') and ALSO makes sense. Gah. It drives me absolutely bonkers every time I see it.
[X] Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005)
[X] Coraline (2009): I pretty much love Gaiman anything, and this was a satisfactory interpretation, preserving the Creepyness of the book.


CGI GLUT
-------------------------------
[ ] Antz (1998)
[] Bee Movie (2007)
[X] Happy Feet (2006)
[X] Ice Age (2002)
[] Ice Age: The Meltdown (2006)
[] Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (2009)
[X] Kung Fu Panda (2008)
[X] Madagascar (2005)
[] Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (2008)
[X] Monster House (2006): I really liked this one.
[X] Over the Hedge (2006)
[X] The Polar Express (2004) I think I saw this one, but I might have thought it was creepy and blocked the memory.
[X] Robots (2005)
[ ] A Shark's Tale (2004)
[X] Shrek (2001)
[X] Shrek 2 (2004)
[X] Shrek The Third (2007)
[ ] Shrek Forever After (2010): There was a fourth?
[O] Monsters vs. Aliens (2009): I've seen big chunks, but never the whole thing.


IMPORTS
-------------------------------
[X] Arabian Knight (aka The Thief and the Cobbler) (1995): This is a wonderful, wonderful movie. It's got a unique art style and utilizes optical illusions as part of the fabric of the world. Excellent and I recommend it all over. I watched adverts for this forever, since it had some production issue (?) and was delayed for years and years.
[X] The Last Unicorn (1982): Classic. Essential.
[ ] Light Years (1988)
[X] The Triplets of Belleville (2003)
[ ] Persepolis (2007)
[ ] Waltz With Bashir (2008)
[ ] Watership Down (1978)
[ ] When the Wind Blows (1988)
[ ] Wonderful Days (2003)
[ ] Yellow Submarine (1968)


STUDIO GHIBLI/MIYAZAKI
-------------------------------
[X] The Cat Returns (2002)
[ ] Grave of the Fireflies (1988)
[X] Howl's Moving Castle (2004): One of my all-time favorite movies ever. I can watch this, finish the credits, then watch it again.
[X] Kiki's Delivery Service (1989)
[X] Laputa: Castle in the Sky (1986)
[ ] Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro (1979)
[ ] My Neighbors The Yamadas (1999)
[O] My Neighbor Totoro (1993)
[X] Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984)
[ ] Only Yesterday (1991)
[ ] Pom Poko (Tanuki War) (1994)
[X] Porco Rosso (1992)
[X] Princess Mononoke (1999) I didn't like this when I saw it the first time. It was 'too weird'. Also since it was the first Miyazaki i'd ever seen. It has since grown on me.
[X] Spirited Away (2002): I can also watch this one over and over. It never gets old.
[ ] Whisper of the Heart (1995)
[ ] Ponyo (2009): Soon. Soon.


SATOSHI KON
-------------------------------
[X] Millennium Actress (2001): This was so amazing. I want to tell everyone to watch it, but no-one has ever heard of it.
[X] Paprika (2006): I absolutely adore this to little bit.
[X] Perfect Blue (1999): This one hurt my head. Very dark.
[ ] Tokyo Godfathers (2003)


SHINKAI MAKOTO
-------------------------------
[ ] She and Her Cat (1999)
[ ] Voices of a Distant Star (2001)
[ ] The Place Promised in Our Early Days (2004)
[ ] 5 Centimeters per Second (2007)


OTHER ANIME FILMS
-------------------------------
[X] Akira (1989): I saw this when I was really young. So when I watched it during high school when I could actually remember images, I was really weirded out by the constant sense of deja vu.
[ ] Angel's Egg (1985)
[X] Appleseed (2004): The movie takes a couple of watches to make any sense, but I'm in love with Briareus, the cyborg.
[ ] Appleseed: Ex Machina (2007)
[ ] Arcadia of My Youth (U.S. Title - Vengeance of the Space Pirate) (1982)
[X] Cowboy Bebop: The Movie (2003)
[ ] The Dagger of Kamui (U.S. Title - Revenge of the Ninja Warrior) (1985)
[ ] Dirty Pair: Project Eden (1987)
[X] End of Evangelion (1997)
[X] Evangelion 1.0: You Are (Not) Alone (2007)
[X] Evangelion 2.0: You Can (Not) Advance (2009): Rainbows make EVERYthing better.
[] Fist of the North Star (1986)
[ ] Galaxy Express 999 (1979)
[X] Ghost in the Shell (1996): Didn't like it when I watched it. At all. I still think it's got a better concept than execution, but I should probably watch it again.
[X] Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence (2004)
[ ] The Girl Who Lept Through Time (2006)
[ ] Lensman (1984)
[X] Macross: Do You Remember Love (U.S. Title - Clash of the Bionoids) (1984): I think I watched this with Josh? I know I watched Macross Plus, which is not on here but has the most gorgeous music.
[ ] Memories (1995)
[X] Metropolis (2001): Pretty sure I've seen this once.
[ ] Neo-Tokyo (1986)
[ ] Night on the Galactic Railroad (1985)
[ ] Ninja Scroll (1993)
[ ] Patlabor the Movie (1989)
[ ] The Professional: Golgo 13 (1983)
[ ] Project A-ko (1986)
[ ] Robot Carnival (1987)
[ ] Robotech: The Shadow Chronicle (2006)
[ ] Silent Möbius (1991)
[O] The Sky Crawlers (2008): I own this, but haven't had a chance to watch it.
[ ] Space Adventure Cobra (1982)
[X] Steamboy (2004): The quintessential Steampunk movie. Um, ever. It also has a gorgeous representation of Victorian era architecture.
[ ] Sword of the Stranger (2007)
[X] Unico and the Island of Magic (1983)Weird. As. Hell. One of my favorite. I also have the first Unico movie, which is even weirder, where the bad guy gets /impaled/ on a steeple at the end of the movie.
[ ] Urotsukidoji: The Movie (1987)
[ ] Urusei Yatsura: Beautiful Dreamer (1984)
[ ] Urusei Yatsura: Only You (1982)
[ ] Vampire Hunter D (1985)
[ ] Vampire Hunter D Bloodlust (2000)
[ ] Wings of Honneamise: Royal Space Force (1987)


CARTOONS FOR GROWN-UPS
-------------------------------
[ ] American Pop (1981)
[X] The Animatrix (2003)
[ ] Beavis & Butthead Do America (1996).
[ ] Cool World (1992)
[X] Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)
[X] Final Fantasy: Advent Children (2005)
[ ] Fire & Ice (1983)
[] Fritz the Cat (1972)
[ ] Halo Legends (2009)
[] Heavy Metal (1981)
[ ] Heavy Metal 2000 (2000)
[ ] Hey Good Lookin' (1982)
[ ] Lady Death (2004)
[X] A Scanner Darkly (2006): This counts as animation? o_O Huh.
[ ] Sita Sings the Blues
[ ] South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)
[ ] Street Fight (Coonskin) (1975)
[X] Waking Life (2001)


OTHER ANIMATED MOVIES
-------------------------------
[ ] The Adventures of Prince Achmed (1926)
[ ] Animal Farm (1954)
[X] Animalympics (1980): I wish this was on DVD, but the rights are in limbo and the only copies are crap.
[ ] Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon The Movie (2007)
[ ] Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker (2000)
[ ] Batman: Gotham Knight (2008)
[ ] Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010)
[X] The Brave Little Toaster (1988): Besides Dumbo, this was the other movie I watched until I could recite it. I can still do huge chunks of this movie for anyone who will sit still long enough to listen.
[ ] Bravestarr: The Movie (1988)
[X] Cats Don't Dance (1997): One of my sister's favorite.
[X] Care Bears: The Movie (1985)
[X] Charlotte's Web (1973)
[X] Fern Gully (1992)
[ ] G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)
[ ] Gobots: Battle of the Rock Lords (1986)
[ ] Green Lantern: First Flight (2009)
[ ] He-Man & She-Ra: The Secret of the Sword (1985)
[X] The Hobbit (1977): The music. THE MUSIC. It is magnificent.
[X] The Iron Giant (1999): One of Josh's favorite.
[ ] Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths (2010)
[ ] Justice League: The New Frontier (2008)
[X] Lord of the Rings (1978)
[X] Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland (1992)
[X] My Little Pony: The Movie (1986): Hush, this was amazing. Another sound-bite repository in my skull is filled with this movie.
[ ] Pink Floyd's The Wall (1982)
[X] The Prince of Egypt (1998)
[ ] Powerpuff Girls: The Movie (2002)
[ ] Quest For Camelot (1999)
[ ] Ringing Bell (1978)
[X] The Road to El Dorado (2000): The main characters are so smarmy.
[ ] Shinbone Alley (1971)
[X] Space Jam (1996)
[ ] Starchaser: The Legend of Orin (1985)
[ ] Superman/Batman: Public Enemies (2009)
[ ] Superman/Batman: Apocalypse (2010)
[ ] Superman: Doomsday (2007)
[ ] The Swan Princess (1994)
[X] Transformers: The Movie (1986) They say 'damn' AND 'hell' and still get their G rating.
[ ] Wizards (1977)
[X] Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988): Still a favorite. Everytime I watch I pick up more little details.
[ ] Wonder Woman (2009)
[X] Balto (1995)
[ ] Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (2002): I love horses, I should have seen this. Not yet, though.

There are several not on here that I recall, but one which I don't remember. It might be Wizards? About a guy who is playing a board game and flies on dragons who produce their own lift by chewing stone and land by breathing fire? Still haven't figured out what that one is.

Also missing is Felix the Cat: The Movie, Magical Princess Gigi, and Clémentine (which is French and the main character is in a wheelchair). To be fair, though, the latter two are - I believe - compilation 'movies' of popular tv shows. They are, of course, fantastic.

Polish and Writing

Yesterday, Gen informed me that I hadn't sent her any of my polished short stories.

Well, the conversation was mostly that Gen was sad that I didn't finish things. I informed her that it was patently untrue and bombarded her with old work I've just had sitting in my folders waiting for someone to read it.

No, nothing novel length polished. The only thing even remotely novel length that I've written is Princesses. I finished Princesses, but it's draft zero, needs a complete rewrite of the beginning, and I still have to write some song/poems for it and remove some of the detritus from the ending.

So I says to myself, I says, "You need to polish a full-length book and soon." Alright then, self, I will take your advice.

After Nano is over I would like volunteers to read my Draft Zero of Red Riding. It'll be rough, but entertaining. :) Any takers?

Additionally, you can peek at my writing sketchbook over at Dreamweb on Tumblr or I can send you larger pieces that I have hiding out online elsewhere.

The Empress has Lost her Groooooooove.

I skipped writing on Sunday and only managed about 800 words a day on Monday and Tuesday. Luckily, I was a couple days ahead. Now... I'm basically right on track, but I've completely lost my groove.

Now, I'm going to keep writing because I'm not blocked. I have at least 20k words planned out and coalescing ideas about the end of the book. I know the shape and I know how to make it go even when I have only the cool parts planned out. I am not feeling it, though, and I'm thinking I'll have to do something else to improve the outlook because whatever I'm doing now is not working at all.

So, I'm off to find a source other than wikipedia and see if a little research will cheer me up. Josh flies in tonight which should improve my mood tenfold, but it remains to be seen if I'll get any writing time this weekend at all. *grins*

On Blog Comments

I stumbled across something that affected me today while puttering through blogs.

"I translated it into Arabic, please let me know if you would like a copy." - Tima888 commenting on the post I am your Mother on Axis of Fat.

This rings a bell in the very deep part of me that likes to share knowledge, to feel the click of understanding between two participants in a conversation, and cherish the idea that anyone can boost the signal, even me with my cobbled-together homebrew operation. This is why I love the internet.

On a completely different note, I love westerns. There's something comforting-fuzzy about them in all their sepia-toned glory. There was one on during lunch at the cafe I write at and I have no idea what it was, just that there was a horse race and a woman who wore a french hat (a casquette!) and there was an awful lot of awkward romance. I kept trailing off writing and staring at the screen with a fond smile on my face. I'm pretty sure the horse was named Durango, they repeated it about a zillion times.

Nano report day 3 and 4.

My novel - which I have named Red Riding - is going pretty well. I learned that I can crank about about a thousand words during lunchtime. This is an improvement from last year, where my lunchtime wordcount was about 600-800. I don't know where the extra 200 words an hour are coming from, but hey. Gift horse.

I'm still slightly ahead of the curve for when I start to fall behind because I'm, oh, GMing a game of Dnd or mooching gourmet food off of the guy who runs Exalted for us. Or, yanno, family holidays or the week that I'm /hoping/ Josh will get off work before they start whipping him to put more fur on digital puppets.

Either way! Writing.

In my story last night, my main character (MC) Red (Yes, I know she has a stereotypical name, but it's kind of required because of the natureof the fairytale/horror/epic poem storyline) was talking on the phone while riding in a taxi. Since my taxi driver could obviously hear her, he stopped her on the way out and basically told her she should claim her city as territory like her parents did to protect it from supernatural beasties. The only problem with this is, of course, that he used some really reactionary, extremist language to do so. So now Red is posed with a philosophical conundrum. She nominally agrees with him that someone should do something about the influx of dangerous netherworld creatures, though she's not convinced it should be her, but she is greatly disgusted at the blanket bigotry being applied to Physical In-The-World People-Eating Monsters.

Red got real uncomfy real fast, especially since her plan - even though she doesn't want to admit it - is to hunt down the people/creatures who attacked her friend and deal with them in what probably won't be a 'throw 'em in jail and let the authorities sort it out' kind of confrontation. She doesn't want this random guy's extremist argument tarring her actions, because she already knows she's stepping into a moral gray area by falling back to vigilantism however justified by the world built around her.

Anyways, this bit just came out of nowhere last night. Don't know if it will stick in the final version, but for Nano it's turning into an interesting part of the 'following in her parents footsteps' subplot.

Day 1 (and 2) report.

Happy November!

I have begun Nanowrimo in earnest and have, much to my surprise, completed the first chapter of my scrawny little book as of *checks watch* about 1 pm today.

I'm not sure how I feel about how things are going so far. I'm writing in a new style, some of which is choice and some of which is just so utterly 'I have no idea what's going on' that I can barely stand it. I think it has something to do with the perspective I'm using. Since it's first-person and my main character is very no-nonsense, the prose is very no-nonsense.

I just hope it's not also very boring.

It seems to be the order of the day to not have wireless internet at any of the places I've been choosing to write, so I've been trying to scatter multiple copies of my baby book across several computers and have been attempting to use DropBox and Gmail to save bits and pieces, just in case. Never can be too careful.

First chapter events: Red shot a monster, called an ambulance, and chatted briefly with a psychopomp.

Current word count (CWC): 3800 or thereabouts.

Nanowrimo Approacheth

I don't think I'm a natural blogger. I'm a wordsmith-in-my-head-on-boring-days-at-work writer, but not a sharer. I think I'd have to be more of a sharer to blog as often as some bloggers do. I love reading bloggers', um, blogs. I also love reading writers' blogs, but writers' blogs don't update nearly as often.

It occurred to me today that I haven't posted since July. July! I even skipped past my birthday and didn't even mention it. (It's the 19th of October, btw)

It's not that I haven't had anything to say. I simply don't post because I forget I have a blog. Blogging isn't in my blood like writing is.

I am doing Nanowrimo this year! (The peasants rejoice~) So, I figure if I remember that this is here, I might post updates on my progress.

Little Rules

If I had a list of rules, this would be it:

* Never stop learning.
* Never apologize if you do not regret your actions, even if that is the appropriate social response.
* Do not make excuses. Explain if necessary, but own your responsibilities.
* Get pissed off if you're pissed off. Get sad if you're sad.
* If you have a problem, sort it out. Address the problem directly and asap.
* Don't try to fix everyone.
* Bask when others shine.
* Parse constructive criticism from opinion.
* Don't hurt people through carelessness and/or cruelty.
* Tell the truth as you know it.
* Omit the unnecessary.
* Communicate

The rule I break most often is 'Communicate'. I neglect to tell people what I'm doing, when, and with whom. This mis-communication has resulted in more than one upset person, especially if that person was one with whom I have plans or was supposed to have plans.

The thing I must work on the most is 'Bask when other Shine'. Sometimes I err in my judgment of situations and bring in a buzzkill. I've been scolded by others to be happy for them. I love it when my friends do awesome things, so I am always happy for them. :) When the high is half fantasy, however, it's hard for me not to say something - anything - because I know they'll be disappointed when the high wears off and reality sets back in. It's happened around me more than once, but I've been training myself to keep my mouth shut and trying to adopt an 'enjoy the high' outlook.

The rule I follow most closely is 'Never stop Learning'. :)

Playon is posting!

Playon is starting to post results on their longitudinal study of WoW players. This is utterly awesome for the very simple fact that I love Nick Yee on principle. He's been a huge hero of mine since I found his Daedalus project while I was in college. I would definitely fangirl if I ever met him, if I could manage to say anything at all.

Anyhow, he and Nic Ducheneaut (who datamines and thus is cool in my book) have been posting very interesting things on their blog for the enjoyment of the internet.

One of the things I noticed they mentioned was that they have a higher reporting of women players in the US than average estimations. I'm thinking that's probably because someone (might have been me >_>, but I don't remember) posted the study announcement on WoW_Ladies. As far as I know, the WoW_Ladies livejournal community is the largest collection of wow-community-active women on the internet. The fact that many of the Ladies love this kind of thing probably has skewed the results a teeny bit.

So far, the most interesting post - for me - has been their Gender-Bending prelim results.

The graph above shows how often (in a ratio of days played) a male or female player chooses to play a character of the opposite gender. This isn't self-reported data, this is them combing through reported characters and registering their up-time. The very interesting thing is that women play male characters about 10% of the time and men about a third of the time.

I could posit why more males gender bend than women and it has to do with the concentrated gamer culture. Women get way more shit than men for being women (men get shit, but it's for other reasons) and compounding that with 'but y u play a boy?' it gets really uncomfortable really fast. My first 'main' charrie was a boy and it was frustrating for a long list of reasons. Now, I know that my experiences don't map 100% to other women gamer experiences, but I've been in enough discussions to know that the uncomfortable-factor plays a part in more than just mine. Not all, but a significant amount.

To change gears, however, on the longer-term that has nothing to do with male vs. female, one of my pet theories of why women don't reflect men in some activities is that there are a lot of women who are brand new to gaming within the last two or three years. It takes a while for the gamer mentality to percolate (for good or ill).

The activities that are ostensibly androgynous at a certain level of detachment/involvement take a while to get to. The only other example I have is that online long-format roleplayers (who essentially write collaborative stories online) often play only their gender when they first start out before creating characters of the opposite. Or authors only writing convincing opposite sex characters after they have matured as writers. It's a comfort thing, and a stereotype thing.

So when I say that women are new, I mean that for the women who didn't get their start in MUDs and wander into graphical MMOs, WoW was the beginning and it has only been out about 5 years and change. If women who game do not have the incentive of roleplay to explore opposite-gender characters, 5 years makes no impact.

I hypothesize that the ratio for women gender-bending will look the same as men in ten years - with the caveat that some gamer culture change would have to take place. Additionally, since the Playon survey does not include minors, I hypothesize that the picture of male minors looks an awful lot like the picture of female minors. I honestly think that gender-bending - all other things being equal (which they're not, but if they were!) - would boil down to simple experience.

The radical difference in the gender-bending ratios by gender ask 'Why?', which I think is an interesting discussion no matter where you're coming from.

Best Diet == Sustainable Lifestyle Change

Diet:

1. The usual food and drink of a person or animal.

2. A regulated selection of foods, as for medical reasons or cosmetic weight loss.

3. Something used, enjoyed, or provided regularly

A diet-with-respect-to-food, for me, is a combination of all three of the official definitions. A enjoyable, sustainable regulation of intake that constitutes your usual food and drink. The concept that you can go 'on a diet' for a temporary period of time and expect it to have long-term results stops making logical sense after I process the word temporary.

My weight is my weight, and your weight is your weight. Even if there are health issues involved, or there is a lack of access to food that doesn't screw up your body, or you have psychological issues and damage as a result of any number of chronic or acute mental traumas, or you have low activity (for whatever reason), or any other factor that makes up your weight, your body is doing the best it can with the tools it has. Don't hate on your body for doing what bodies are designed to do.

Sometimes your body wonks out, trips a circuit breaker and goes haywire, or starts breaking down. Your body is a collection of algorithms, processes, responses, reactions, and automations. It doesn't necessarily know how things are going to turn out for you 10 years down the road, but it sure as hell is trying its best to run right now no matter the circumstances. Your meatsuit is gamely trying to keep up with everything happening that makes it respond and adapt.

The cumulative algorithm analogy, of course, works best under the assumption that you are not your body. That your totality cannot be expressed with the physical alone and, even further, that your physical is not under your direct conscious control. Treating the body as a machine, computer, or vessel works from the fundamental idea that human beings are greater than sum of their parts, that a human's gestalt incorporates the body, but is not defined by the body.

To be absolutely fair, certain disciplines can (or at least claim to) give you amazing conscious physical control over usually automatic processes. However, for me and most of the people I know, our bodies are like our cars. I know how to change oil and flat tires, but the intricacies of the timing belts for an interference engine is a little beyond my immediate capability or interest. Additionally, this viewpoint is based heavily on the mind/body dichotomies or mind/body/soul trichotomies of western thought.

My point is that the best diet is a sustainable lifestyle change. It's not an isolated thing. Every algorithm your body uses to determine weight and health has hundreds of variables, some as blatant as 'I ate a Big Mac every day for forty years and I feel fine' and some as subtle as 'I function better in dry climates or low altitude'. As Dianne Sylvan (in the post that prompted my post/rant) says, "Each person has a [...] healthy zone of size, diet, and activity in which they function optimally without having to do anything extraordinary to maintain that health." I wanted to jump up and down and scream 'Yes! This!'

Your body's doing the best it can with the tools it has. You can sometimes offer it better tools, but that's not always an option. Punishing yourself - or having others punish you - for 'choices' that you have no control over is ridiculous. If there are ARE choices you can make (the ones that are not dangerous, short-sighted, uninformed, or unpleasant), then give yourself different tools and don't confuse your body by swapping them around constantly.

I hit a point a year or so ago where my activity level dropped to nothing, my food intake shot up with access to new-job money and increased stress, I was coping with a new sleeping schedule, and trying to sort out a new routine. With all of these factors, I offered my body a set of tools that it took and I gained about 25 pounds. Not much, nothing near what others struggle with, but enough that I /felt/ the difference.

It was little things. I panted more going up stairs. I had less energy. I was crankier and even more asocial than usual. Tiny, insignificant things that said, "you are not running on all cylinders" and "there's a bug in the system."

I have a very blase attitude towards food and weight. I am privileged in that I could, in High School and College, eat whatever I wanted to and because of my activity levels, it never adversely affected me. Even when I grew out of 'gawky string-bean' and into 'I have hips!', I basically said, "Fuckit, I love my hips and anyone who tries to make me feel bad about them will get a sock in the nose." I'm lazy as hell, I know it, and I embraced it because I'm Contrary and trying to keep up with the 'ideal' was something my Contrary side fought against. When I started actually feeling physically bad I kind of had to smack myself in the forehead and say, "Well, shit. You can't lean on luck and circumstance anymore." I am thankful that I am employed and able-bodied enough to buy body-friendly food and perform physical activity. I made a lifestyle change towards walking and biking more places and started informing myself about ingredients and quantities of food I was intaking and lost the weight and - more importantly - returned to my happier, not-panting-up-the-stairs self.

I'm physically a very large person, about 200 lbs at my natural weight, and comfortable with that. By BMI standards, I'm fat. I only care because I prefer to be informed; I do not think it applies to me. It's my body, my machine.

Keeping myself within optimum operating parameters is sensible, so that is what I strive to do. My body is chugging along the best she can, and I respect her for her effort. It's not fair of me to blame her when nothing about her weight, shape, or size is actually her fault. She's simply a machine and what I put in is what I get out. If something breaks, I adapt for her sake and mine. She's not a conscious entity out to get me. I must be kind to her, accommodate her and understand her when she does something strange, but as a machine, she can never be inherently bad.

There is so much more to me than just my physical appearance, and I object most strenuously to being defined by it. I object to being defined by any facet of myself, but that's another rant for another time.

Anyway - a diet must be a sustainable lifestyle change if there is any hope of changing the operation and response of my body. Garbage in, garbage out. There is no ideal, shape or weight that anyone else can define for me because statistics can only go so far and - as part of how they are generated - are not tailored to individuals who are magnificent chemical cocktails and masses of moving parts, and any one part might never approach average (or even functioning). I can only attempt to put Non-Garbage in and trying to get Non-Garbage out. On top of physical food and exercise input, mental and situational factors can determine how much Non-Garbage I have to work with. This is obvious to me, especially after my stressful no-job period after college and watching my other stressed-out, unemployed friends gain weight.

The bottom line is that temporary diets are logically fallacious, my body can never be out to get me, and my weight is natural no matter what it ends up or how far from supposed 'correct' it gets.